March 18, 2010
Hoarding: Possessed by Possessions
Having clutter and being a hoarder are two very different things. Many people have clutter in their homes, but less than 1% of the population hoards. Hoarding is the accumulation of so many items - and the failure to utilize or discard them - that a person's living space becomes unusable. The living space is not only cluttered, it’s also often unsanitary and potentially dangerous. Sometimes there are only narrow pathways through the stacks of clutter, if there are any pathways at all. People who hoard are more than just bad housekeepers or lazy and hoarding is more than just a cluttered living space. Hoarders suffer from a psychological disorder that can affect people of all ages and backgrounds.
Hoarding - also called compulsive hoarding and compulsive hoarding syndrome - can be a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, but not always. Hoarding can also be seen in people who have had a major life loss(es) or suffer from depression, attention-deficit disorder, bi-polar disorder, social anxiety, dementia or brain injuries. There is a lot that is not yet known about hoarding, but mental health professionals and researchers are continually working toward increased understanding and better treatment options.
So, what do you do if you know someone who is a hoarder or you're a family member suffering from the pain that hoarding can inflict on families? Though often difficult for those affected by a hoarder's behavior, it is important to understand that hoarders are hyper-attached to their possessions, much more so than other people. Not feeling safe on the inside, hoarders try to make themselves feel safe on the outside – literally building protective walls of “stuff”. Cleaning up or letting go of their things leaves them feeling defenseless and frightened and they often simply will not do it or cooperate in getting it done.
An adult who is legally competent to manage their own affairs and whose clutter is not life threatening to themselves or others in their living environment has the legal right to make the choice to hoard, even though it might be adversely effecting their quality of life. All you can do is be patient until the hoarder is ready to change. While the patient approach maybe very frustrating when dealing with a hoarder, mental health professionals who specialize in treating hoarders generally recommend against forced clean-ups, for the simple fact that most hoarders will just start to hoard again and perhaps acquire even more than they did before. For the best chance of a successful outcome, instead of forced clean-ups, it is recommended that you use a compassionate approach, known as "harm reduction" - which is the elimination of immediate safety issues or issues that put others at risk. Of course, if the situation is life threatening or an imminent health hazard, appropriate steps should be taken immediately.
If you have argued with, threatened and blamed the hoarder in the past, the best thing you can do going forward is to change your approach to them so you minimize the likelihood of their becoming defensive or resistant. Changing your approach means showing empathy, which does not necessarily mean that you agree with everything the hoarder says. It only means that you are open to listening and seeing things from their point of view. There is no point in arguing with a hoarder. You are unlikely to get them to see that they have a problem, if they don’t want to see it. Accept the fact that you are dealing with an adult who has freedom of choice about their possessions. Instead of arguing, engage the hoarder in a discussion about their home and behavior. Respectfully ask them what they want to do about the clutter instead of telling them what you want to do about it. Ask them what’s really important to them in life; ask about their goals and values. For example, if they say that one of their goals is to be a good mother, then discuss whether their acquiring or trouble organizing or getting rid of things fits with their goals and values. Help them to understand that their actions don’t line up with their goal.
Your new approach will be welcome and over time the hoarder may begin to trust you. If it looks like that is happening, be patient and keep at it. It is only with patience that you may be able to get a hoarder to acknowledge the problem and, thus, effect change. If possible a mental-health evaluation is recommended to help determine what may be causing a hoarder’s behavior and how best to deal with it. In some cases, antidepressants might be recommended to help a hoarder alleviate some of the pain and difficulty involved in letting go of their possessions.
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